Resolute without Resolution

It seems that the past year of 2020 has broken resolutions or at least the willingness to make them.

Is it the planning ahead with so much volatility ahead?
Is it that we have found that calendar years mean nothing in reality?
Is it that time means nothing in the depths of a global pandemic?

I have always made resolutions but I made them on my birthday, rather than in the new year. And these resolutions are not SMART goals. They are much fuzzier and in some ways more achievable.

How I Set Yearly Goals

To me, setting goals is a part of how I have always lived my life. That is behind a lot of my success but they have never been overly specific as we are told in self help books. My goals exist so that I articulate them and they are in the back of my mind at all times. Keeping them always kindled means that every decision I make includes them. Includes them without being forced or coerced to do so.

On the 18th of August every year, I make a cup of tea and sit alone to think about three words that I would like people to associate with or describe me with within the next year.

When I was a flakey friend during my depression in 2010, I decided to chose reliable as one of my three words and within six months, people were describing me that way. This wasn’t because I went out and insincerely did things to make people change their minds about me but because every action and thought of major consequence that I thought was backed with the word reliable.

When I was tired and didn’t want to get out of bed but knew I had promised someone, I got up and did the reliable thing. I didn’t think “Damana, do the reliable thing” but instead thought “You made an arrangement so honour it or step up and explain yourself.”

That is when I became the friend you could count on to turn up early to meet you, if we had arranged anything. Within 12 months and without angst or effort, I became the reliable friend who was there when I said I would be.

That is just one example but I have many more. Some are private and that is best most of the time. Not because I can fail and not tell anyone but because the act must be sincere and people can be doubting if they see you have another motive.

So, don’t set a goal to lose 4.56kg in 42 weeks. Instead, decide your word is ACTIVE or OUTDOORS or GYM BUNNY. Choose whatever makes you smile if someone was to call you that.

One of my three words for this year is — LOVED.

And four months in, I already feel loved by friends and family and know I deserve to be loved.

What are your words going to be?

Be resolute. Don’t make resolutions.